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I recently discovered that my husband and a female colleague of his have a texting streak going back as far as I found this out when I saw his phone. I have also repeatedly asked for this behavior to stop.
He lies and tells me they no longer text, until he gets caught red-handed again. We have been seeing a marriage counselor regarding this and other issues.
He has lied to the counselor about his texting relationship with his colleague. He tells me I am overreacting and that I should get over it.
What do you suggest? But what my suggestion might do is help you see another way to move through this impasse and understand it better before you make any decisions about your marriage.
First, about the lying: Sometimes people lie because the person requesting the truth makes the truth telling so aversive. I want the truth, the person asking says, but if you tell me the truth, I will shame or judge or abandon you.
If you tell me the truth, I will deny your needs. If you tell me the truth, I will try to control you. They want the truth, then punish the person for telling it.
Can you be less curious about his texts and become more curious about what you can do to create more connection with him? First, you need to ask and answer the kinds of questions I mentioned above while giving each other the space to be honest with yourselves and each other. Dear Therapist is for informational purposes only, does not constitute medical advice, and is not a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
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Always seek the advice of your physician, mental-health professional, or other qualified health provider with any questions you may have regarding a medical condition. Popular Latest. The Atlantic Crossword. Dear Therapist, I recently discovered that my husband and a female colleague of his have a texting streak going back as far as